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Showing posts with the label grief

Growing up

Growing up was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be the escape from all the miseries in life- school, studies, teachers, homework, rules. ...It was to be the end of the pain of the misery of teenage years of heartbreak. Growing up was supposed to liberate me. It was supposed to give me wings. It was supposed to bring happiness in wake and achievements and conquests of all kinds. While growing up I hardly knew that this was a non-stop process. That there are certain things about which you do all the growing up in a night and there are others which keep hassling you over long days and endless nights. While growing up I had not even realised that it will bring along its own pains. Its own horror shows like none other. Irreparable damages. Bitter words with lasting impacts.Massive losses. Yes. Massive losses. Losses that leave you shaken. Losses of a different nature. Losses that don't make sense and losses that shatter the sense this world made (if ever that is). Losin

Quantifying grief

When you don't know how to cope up with grief, you innovate to take your mind off it. Death is an entirely new sort of shock to my system. I did not know how to react to it. I cried. It came naturally. But I did not cry for the gone one but for those whom he left behind. I tried quantities when his voice rang in my ears. I counted the people who came. Then I counted those who wailed louder. Then those who sniffled. Then the ones who repeatedly wiped their dry eyes. Then those who averted their gaze. Then the few who had words to offer and those who did not pretend to empathise. Then the ones who were well-versed with the hollowness that death of a son leaves in its wake. I counted the ones who caught up with friends, exchanged news, had their tea and went their way. I counted the number of paper cups we disposed off. I counted the number of meals we consumed. I counted the trips I made to the market. I counted the number of faces that instantly aged. I counted the